.A Wrestling With Meaning.

So… I know I said I would do a post on Hannah… and it’s coming!

But I started listening to a song on that my friend Ria Thurston posted on her blog today and it’s caused me to look deep and be raw with my blog readers… all 5 of you.  [It’s a treasured 5 though!]

I am wrestling.  It’s a BIG wrestle that I believe all women face at some pivotal point in their life and, in many ways, a little bit everyday.  In my life it was spurred on recently by a sermon by Caroline Mahaney titled “True Femininity”.  You see this wrestling reaches deep into my heart and causes me to question what is there, because it’s one that causes me to reevaluate what my “calling” or true heart’s desire is to do with the rest of “my” life and even my sinful reactions to fight for “what I want”.

A few of the questions I face: Will I go crazy if all I do is “make a home”? What about the desire I have to go into marriage and family counseling?  What do I have to offer anybody I do counsel? [I often find myself tongue tied when listening to someone facing some of life’s hardest struggles.] If I stay home, where will the money come from? [this is a big one… so big it has become a sin I have to repent of almost daily… or more].   You see, these are just questions that we all face on some level everyday, yet today they have been constantly beneath the surface of my thoughts.

Yet what brings me to my knees more than any of these questions is this… it’s not “MY” life to begin with.  I have been bought with a price… a HIGH price, beyond which I am worth, but am SOOO thankful for none the less! So, despite my insecurities and deep questioning - I CHOOSE to TRUST that the God who sovereignly ordains all of life will show me how I am to live. And I CHOOSE to JOYFULLY [full of joy] walk out in the HIGH calling He has for me, no matter what that looks like, how it doesn’t always make sense to me, and no matter what the world thinks of it.

.And.I.CHOOSE.to.give Christ.my.all.EVERYDAY.

So – the wrestling may continue – but I hope and pray that in it I will CHOOSE to see my life in the proper perspective. It’s a choice, not a given, and one that takes conscious effort.

Love,

-H-

.YIKES!.

No… I didn’t see a spider!  In fact yesterday I was just giving thanks for having a “New” apartment with very few bugs… silly I know but it is nice!

I say YIKES because for the first time in tooooo long I jumped on Fox New’s website to catch-up on the times, this is something I used to do regularly and I think it’s important to do!

I found an article on Billy Graham – “America’s Pastor”- and in it he is quoted saying this: “Graham also said that if he could go back and do anything differently he would "spend more time at home with my family, and I'd study more and preach less."”

Does it worry you that the man who started the trend of large “Christian” conventions – Promise Keeps, Women of Faith, Acquire the Fire – wished he would have STUDIED more.  Sadly, this is the case in many churches/ministries today, the leaders put people and doing ministry above time spent studying God’s HOLY Word that they use flippantly everyday without true understanding of what it means!

Now – here what I’m saying – I’m NOT saying that a pastor must “know” everything before he preaches.  If that was the case no one would preach.  However, pastors should be SO focused on making sure what they’re preaching is the truth that if they feel their sermon is not ready on Sunday Mornings, they are willing to find another way to feed their flock that morning, in this day and age the options are limitless with on-line resources,  rather than fill them with possible half-truths or things they are not sure about.

So – that is why I say “YIKES”- it scares me to see my Holy, Precious, Sovereign God’s word and character preached so flippantly in the “highest” realms of society and to billions of people without the study to back it up.

Just some food for thought today… and I hope and pray that you can say, like I can, that your pastor is one who is FULLY focused on preaching THE TRUTH of the Word – letting scripture confirm scripture NOT scripture confirming some idea or theory that you come to the Bible wanting to confirm.

.Lack of Motivation.

So, the end to my first official week “working for Mike” is here.  I have done a little bit for him, but we have yet to sit down and go over the bulk of my projects… entering stuff into Quickbooks.  Thus, my hours of work are very short and I find myself aimlessly wondering around the house at certain points during my day.

Yesterday I HAD to get out of the house and found this little treasure [click on pic to visit site]:

It’s my new favorite place to study… and is as close to Caribou as I’ll get in this part of the country.

Today I’ve mostly completed my to-do list and was sitting on the couch thinking, after reading the first book below… how often when I’m busy to I LONG for MORE time, but when I have it I find myself in a constant state of slow moving. YIKES!  What a sad contradiction but evidence of the sinful nature in all of us.

Therefore, I resolve to fill my days with more of the things that I find myself wishing I had more time to do:

• Pray
• Read Scripture
• Read Non-fiction books
• Keep my house in order
• Keep-in-touch with people
• Learning the guitar (once I get one)

The list really good go on and on… the key is alternating sitting with doing and being creative to make things interesting!  Please pray for me as I continue, that laziness would not creep into my life!

Here are a few of the books I’m tackling:

As a woman:

For Christian Life Studies:

For Bible Study:

I choose to narrow it down to these 3 and read them until completion (I can’t be bad at not finishing a book) Another blog about the first one will follow tomorrow… I read about Hannah today and it was such a blessings!

Love,

-H-

.A Comparison.

Found this in my drafts yesterday… not sure if it was complete at the time, but it’s still good food for thought now…

Mercy~

• Dictionary.com - compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power; compassion, pity, or benevolence: Have mercy on the poor sinner
• Heidi – Not getting the consequences we deserve.

Grace ~

• Dictionary.com -
  1.elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action.
  2.a pleasing or attractive quality or endowment.
  3.favor or good will.
• Heidi – Receiving God’s favor that we don’t deserve.

Many times I get these two things confused. The chapter I was reading this morning was on Mercy, so it caused me to once again ponder the difference and eternal implications of these two things… won’t you ponder with me?

Love,

H

Life Lately… an update by someone who needs to blog more :).

With the blog I refuse to promise that I will be more faithful, although that is my hearts intent, I am trying to resolve to be a woman of my word.  And sometimes with the blogging I simply hit a block and don’t know what to write about… like today…BUT today I have decided that I will start and see what comes! Here goes nothing…

I was showing a co-worker by blog yesterday and realized I haven’t blogged since NOVEMBER! YIKES!  When I went to visit family and friends in MN over New Years I was reminded that a few people actually read this… so I should continue sharing!  I was SO blessed by one of my girls who actually asked me about my niece and nephew! (who we haven’t seen in almost a month due to the holidays and going to their house last Sunday but no one opened the door and their cell is temporarily out of service :( )

Life in November and December FLEW by with working picking up for the holidays, getting together with family and friends, and mostly… school.  School was an extra challenge this semester.  I had just has much on my plate as when I lived at home and worked full-time… so it was hard for me to see why it stressed me out so much!  Finally I concluded this – when I was at home I had ZERO social life and now we spend all day Sunday and Monday nights with our friends/church.  I wouldn’t have it any other way!  It just puts more pressure on school!  But from here on out school does not look to be as hard.  I believe the worst is behind me and I will graduate officially in July! YAY!

Another big life change – today is my last day at the Morning Star.  It’s bitter-sweet! I have DEARLY enjoyed my time working there! I have learned SO much about different aspects of my faith… from the men/women who hold strongly to the truth to the ones who ruin it for the rest of us.  (If you ever need/want to run an author by me PLEASE e-mail me!   I’m SO passionate about people reading THE Truth and else… and sadly you can’t trust everything in a Christian bookstore these days!)   For the next little bit in life, I will be working for my favorite man and his company Batista Electric!  We’re both VERY excited to see what the Lord is going to do in and through this company!  He has already grown it to more than Mike can handle on his own, thus the reason I’m starting to work for him!  This will help with the school stress level too, hopefully!

OK – I think this is long enough – but one last thing!  We were TOTALLY blessed!  We went to IKEA looking for shelves for our kitchen (so the coffee pot wasn’t sitting on the toaster oven, which was on the microwave, which was on Mike’s old night stand…lol) And we found these…

    

They fit PERFECTLY, make SO much more space, and were super cheap!    (Ria- see the jars you gave us on the top shelf?)  My hubby was wonderful and put these together for me while I was at work yesterday…even though he hasn’t been feeling well!

I’ll post more pics of our little apartment soon… (when I deem it clean enough to take pics of!) 

So that’s my little life update… hopefully I’ll post more soon!

Love,

H