A Prayer

My heart keeps going back to this prayer from “Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ” by John Piper, a book I’ve been slowly working through because of the meat in it. This is from the chapter titled- The Incomparable Sufferings… read it keeping in mind all Christ suffered for your sake:

A P R A Y E R
Father, what can we say? We feel utterly unworthy in
the face of Christ’s unspeakable sufferings. We are
sorry. It was our sin that brought this to pass. It was
we who struck him and spit on him and mocked him.
O Father, we are so sorry. We bow ourselves to the dirt
and shut the mouths of our small, dark, petty, sinful
souls. O Father, touch us with fresh faith that we might
believe the incredible. The very pain of Christ that
makes us despair is our salvation. Open our fearful
hearts to receive the Gospel. Waken dead parts of our
hearts that cannot feel what must be felt—that we are
loved with the deepest, strongest, purest love in the
universe. Oh, grant us to have the power to comprehend
with all the saints the height and depth and length
and breadth of the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge,
and may we be filled with all the fullness of God.
Fight for us, O God, that we not drift numb and blind
and foolish into vain and empty excitements. Life is
too short, too precious, too painful to waste on
worldly bubbles that burst. Heaven is too great, hell is
too horrible, eternity is too long that we should putter
around on the porch of eternity. O God, open our eyes
to the vastness of the sufferings of Christ and what they
mean for sin and holiness and hope and heaven. We
fear our bent to trifling. Make us awake to the weight
of glory—the glory of Christ’s incomparable sufferings.
In his great and wonderful name, amen.

Kinda puts everything in perspective, huh? Yes, as you can see from my post on Monday, life isn’t always easy, but it is “…too short, too precious, too painful to waste on worldly bubbles that burst.”

Heidi

It’s a Hard-Knock Life… for me?!?!

I have just come to a freeing realization…and it’s weird to admit to the world, but I’m going to anyway, because it’s true and I’m learning how to be honest :-)… I’m not a big fan of my life right now! “Gasp! Heidi - how can you say that?? You’re engaged that’s one of the most wonderful seasons out there!” (which I do agree with, by the way) Well… for several reasons:

1. Working full-time, going to school full time, preparing to be a wife, and planning a wedding all at the same time does some CRAZY stuff to my emotions! I didn’t think of myself as an emotional woman until now! And now, not only am I trying to understand it all, but I have to try and explain what I don’t know and understand about myself to a man…rough stuff!
2. No matter which of the above things I’m doing I always feel like I should be doing something else or want to be doing something else. It makes it VERY difficult to just BE!
3. My heart still longs to go back to the simplicity of life at Teen Mania, it was fast and full, but grounded and rich! Life in the real world takes a whole new level of faith and dependency on Christ… which are wonderful and amazingly difficult characteristics to work on in your own life.
4. Yet, while my heart looks back with that deep longing, it’s also looking forward with GREAT anticipation, excitement and fear towards August 28th, 2010, where nothing will ever be the same again! So many new adventures and things to look forward to… and so many unknowns I will never understand until they’re upon me!
5. The more time Mike and I get to spend together… like in the same place, at the same time, enjoying the same things… the more dissatisfied I become with going back to only having a phone or Skype to communicate on. *sigh* someday this will not be the case anymore!

So, as WEIRD as it feels to admit all of that, I realize that it only means… I’m human! And a woman with CRAZY emotions at that! And even though I’m not a big fan of life at this moment, when I take a step back and see ALL the RICH lessons the Lord is teaching me, the character HE is building, and the WONDERFUL life He has given me…. I chose to be thankful and give all praise to the ONE who deserves it all, because without him, I am NOTHING!

Thanks for listening while I seek to understand my current world a little more :)

Heidi

Relationship with Christ

Hey Bloggers! 

The Lord has been doing a lot in my life lately, so much so that I haven’t been able to figure out where to begin to blog about it!  He’s been taking me to a deeper intimacy, submission, obedience, and selflessness… definitely hasn’t been an easy journey!

In my time with Him this morning I read this in “My Utmost for His Highest” by Oswald Chambers and it really blessed me!  I hope it blesses you too, it’s worth your time to read!

“Goodness and purity should never be traits that draw attention to themselves, but should simply be magnets that draw people to Jesus Christ. If my holiness is not drawing others to Him, it is not the right kind of holiness; it is only an influence which awakens undue emotions and evil desires in people and diverts them from heading in the right direction. [Yikes!] A person who is a beautiful saint can be a hindrance in leading people to the Lord by presenting only what Christ has done for him, instead of presenting Jesus Christ Himself. Others will be left with this thought— "What a fine person that man is!" That is not being a true "friend of the bridegroom"— I am increasing all the time; He is not.

To maintain this friendship and faithfulness to the Bridegroom, we have to be more careful to have the moral and vital relationship to Him above everything else, including obedience. Sometimes there is nothing to obey and our only task is to maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ, seeing that nothing interferes with it. Only occasionally is it a matter of obedience. At those times when a crisis arises, we have to find out what God’s will is [not ours!]. Yet most of our life is not spent in trying to be consciously obedient, but in maintaining this relationship— being the "friend of the bridegroom." Christian work can actually be a means of diverting a person’s focus away from Jesus Christ. Instead of being friends "of the bridegroom," we may become amateur providences of God to someone else, working against Him while we use His weapons.”

So – where does your life point?  To the one who created You and died 1,000 deaths for your salvation… NOTHING else matters!  NOTHING else is worth the challenge of living a righteous life!

Lord- INCREASE in my life! Help me to decrease.  It’s a scary prayer, because I have NO idea how you’ll answer it, and it probably won’t be with roses and chocolate, but it’s what my heart yearns for anyway!  Your will be done Father!  Amen!

Love,

Heidi

Comfortable In My Own Skin

The Lord has been doing a work in my heart this week, and it hasn’t necessarily been an easy, enjoyable journey. Insecurities in my own life have been rising to the surface, like grape skins do when you’re boiling grapes to make grape jelly.. .like this picture… a favorite childhood memory of mine. :)

And just like when making Jelly, it is important to skim this stuff off the top and not ignore it… cuz if you ignore it you’ll have to deal with it again, it never truly goes away.

For me this has come to the surface in the planning for engagement pics., invitations and really everything having to do with the wedding. I want it ALL to be PERFECT and WOW the world for years to come. In doing this though, I have walked down the treacherous path of caring more about what others think or the latest fashions than 1) The Lord… yikes! and 2)Being myself and comfortable with who I am and what I enjoy. This is a path I used to walk down alot, and by the Lord’s grace hadn’t been walking down, until now :).

So, I am slowly growing comfortable with the fact that 1) what I wear in my engagement pics. doesn’t have to be the latest fashion, because fashion really is what you make it, not trying to copy the latest trend… SO out come all the scarves I LOVE!

2) I am a big town girl, living in a small town world - which offers it’s own unique classyness for pictures and wedding locations! It may not be the nicest places, with the best food, but it is where I grew-up and thus uniquely part of me.

With all this realization, I can’t wait to share more of ME with the world and be comfortable with every part of who the Lord has created me… in my own skin :-).

8 Months of <3

I woke up in one of the most wonderful ways this morning… to my mom bringing in flowers! She told me to go back to sleep, but once I realized what they were, my mind started trying to figure out if they were for me or my sister (who is home with her BF for the weekend and sleeping in my room too). As my brain started to wake-up I realized…. It’s Our 8 month Anniversary! And then, falling back asleep, was NOT an option!

My mom HAD to get her camera out, she loves being apart of these things!

Here’s they are, with me on the phone with him in the background!

She’s SO creative! I love these:

My wonderfully hubby-to-be called my parents at work yesterday and had them pick these up. He knows me so well…A Dozen Purple Roses…my favorite color!! He told my mom he wanted me to see them first thing when I wake-up…. so romantic! And little did he know, but the filler greenery they used (the buds before they bloom) is what is going to be in the bouquets for the wedding! PERFECT!

What a great way to start the day!… the only thing that would have made it better was it he was here to delivery them himself!

A Hodgepodge of Topics

Life~

As I sat down to write this blog, I was pretty unsure of what to blog about today.  You see, these days, my life doesn’t change that much from day to day.  It’s simple, yet full.  Before leaving Teen Mania one of my mentors spoke over me that this coming season would be a “Pit-Stop” in the race of life for me. A time of refreshing and renewal.  Has it been those things?  I would say, Yes.  Not in the way I was originally anticipating because “His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.” Humans life is NEVER what we expect right? The important thing to remember is our life is ALWAYS what He, Christ, expects it the be!  How freeing, peaceful and rich is that?? It gets me excited! And reminds me SO much of how much I really do need his grace, EVERY SECOND!

Preparing for Marriage~

I was reading this sermon one morning this week “The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission” in it Piper talks about the four parts of a  Powerful  Womanhood:
1) Unshakable Hope in God – not her husband or her looks, but in the promises of God!  
2)Fearlessness – grows out of Hope. She knows whatever comes, will come and therefore does not fear the future. 
3) Internal Adornment – focusing more on beautifying her heart and mind, rather than her outward appearance.
4) Submission- he defines submission as:

“Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. It’s the disposition to follow a husband’s authority and an inclination to yield to his leadership. It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.”

Beautiful. Refreshing. Empowering. are the words that come to mind after reading that.  I feel like in today’s society that submission might as be a four-letter word, because they don’t see the other 3 parts of womanhood. But like anything, when it’s done God’s way, it’s wonderful! 

Fun~

On another note – Mike is going to be here in less than TWO weeks!  We have lots planned already, but the biggest plan is for this beautiful lady- Ria Lenzen- to take our engagement pictures!  I am SO excited!  What is it in women starts planning  for these kind of things weeks in advance… the clothes, hair, make-up, shoes, jewelry, etc? I enjoy being a woman and delighting in these things, but planning for engagement pics takes it to a whole new level, I want everything to be perfect!!  Guess I need to keep in mind what Piper said, while I make my plans, right? Anyone have any tips for Engagement pics?  Bring ‘em on!

Until Next time!
Heidi

Preparing for Marriage

This season of engagement has been beautiful! A time for preparing, discussing and anticipating marriage… the great times, the normal times, and the hard times! Deep introspection and getting all the weaknesses out on the table… not easy but SO good!

Last weekend when Mike and I were together for Valentines day we started down this road. Our first assignment is to read “This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence” by John Piper.

We have books but we also have it on CD, so on our way home from the airport we listened to the first couple of chapters and discussed them. Then, at Mike’s church they have been working through Eph. 5, so Sunday morning’s sermon added to and confirmed what we had already been learning.

I’ve been trying to journal about this, but honestly it’s hard to hand-write this all out! So, here are my thoughts/journaling on what I’ve been learning:

“It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on [after the rings are exchanged], the marriage that sustains your love.” – Dietrich Bonhoeffer (Quote in Momentary Marriage)

The covenant nature of marriage is not founded on the emotions or romance… even those are SOO wonderful! For me it has been the undeniable work of Christ bringing us together in such a way we cannot deny it’s the work of God. Then, we walk obediently into the unbreakable covenant with each other and Christ as the center."

“The ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God’s glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: Marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to his redeemed people, the church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display.” – John Piper, Ch. 1

Just as Christ sacrificed his WHOLE life for the sake of His church, so we must sacrifice our WHOLE lives to put the other first. We must be willing to lay down our life for the other. Our bodies are no longer our own but belong to the other… just as Christ is the head of the Church and we are part of His body in perfect unity with Him!

“…is it a deep, deep mystery, to think that Christ cherishes you as His own body, that Christ considers you as His own body, that Christ welcomes you into His own body; that to touch you as a member of Christ’s body is to touch Christ.” - Jeffrey Costa (Mikes’s pastor/friend)

“And you see that this means that when there is discord in marriage, when there is disunity in marriage, when there is a lack of love from a husband to a wife, and a lack of respect and regard from a wife to a husband, it isn’t just a tragedy at a human level—though it is…it’s a tragedy at the divine level, because in marriage we’re supposed to be displaying that glorious, incomprehensible mystery of our union with Christ.” – Jeffrey Costa

And just as Christ would never leave His wife, the church, we must never leave each other. Instead we must extend to the other the same grace that both are given by Christ...

“when, in fact, a husband and a wife do many things that they should be ashamed of – [the key to not being ashamed] is the experience of God’s vertical forgiving, justifying grace bent out horizontally to each other and displayed to the world.” – John Piper, Ch. 3

Ultimately – Christ must be the center of everything we do, say, and think! So many times in marriage the husband and wife look to each other for completion and healing, but instead they must look together towards Christ and keep their eyes focused on him!

Easier said that done… I know!… but such a deeply profound and important reminder!